Daryl stared at Beth's lifeless corpse as it lay there on the ground before him. The coagulated blood and brain matter still seeping from her exit wound. Flies buzzed about her head wildly but as Daryl looked harder they turned into happy little butterflies which swarmed around his head.

"Pretty!" Daryl grunted as Rick suddenly appeared next to him looking a little lost and weirded out.

"Daryl we need to bury Beth," Rick sighed. "If we stand out here too long like this we'll only draw more walkers. And look, I know you're upset about her death, we all are. Well except for Maggie because she doesn't remember who she is."

"He's right, Daryl." Michonne agreed as she walked over. "The poor girl is dead. It's time to say goodbye and move on. We still need to take Noah home."

"NO!" Daryl pouted and stomped his feet like an angry retarded child. "NO!"

Michonne and Rick quickly backed away while exchanging looks with eachother.

"You're hot," Rick winked at Michonne making her smile in return.

"Shave your manbush first," she pointed to his beard.

Rick chuckled and blushed. "Okay that's enough going offtopic, back to Daryl and his pouting."

"Grunting," Michonne corrected him.

"NO!" Daryl shouted again flailing his arms like a rabid tarzan. "Beth isn't dead she can't be!"

"We didn't see the body! We didn't see her buried!"

Rick shot him a wtf look. "Uh, Daryl?" He pointed down to Beth's corpse. "That's her body right there. Can you see it?"

Daryl shook his head. "All I see are butterflies! and ladybugs! Those are symbols of Beth that will live on in the future seasons of our show cause she ain't dead!"

Michonne shook her head at Rick. "You want me to kill him, or are you?"

"We aren't going to kill him," Rick replied. "Yet."

Suddenly Daryl fell to his knees beside Beth's corpse and began sobbing like a baby. "Just open your eyes little Bethy," Daryl cried. "Please just open your eyes and sing us a happy song!"

"No god no, please," Maggie spoke up then. "I don't remember that girl but I know she sucks at singing." Then she paused and looked worriedly at Rick. "Where's Glenn?"

"Shitting!" Glenn answered from behind a tree.

"Are you taking your massive one?" Maggie asked?"

"Uh no!" Glenn replied. "Beth finished off all the laxatives back in Season 4 when the Governor attacked the prison and killed Hershel. Didn't you see her constipated face then?"

"I think she was crying," Maggie said. "Or was she really just pooping? Anyways can you hurry up. We need to bury this Jane Doe so we can get Noah back home in time to discover the wolves. Who I might add won't be as big of a threat as they're made out to be. So hurry up and poop, Glenn!"

"I might just save my massive shit for the dumpster scene in Season 6. You know when you all think I'm being devoured by walkers when it's really just my dumbass crawling underneath a dumpster. I could shit then and created a barricade that the walkers can't penetrate."

Rick grinned as he looked over at Michonne. "Penetrate."

Michonne rolled her eyes. "Not until you shave that beard."

Rick frowned. "But I like the beard."



To be continued.........................................

 

lol thanks <3

 

"Alright where is Carol?" Rick asked everyone just then until he heard popping and cracking sounds and turned his head to see the forest behind him ablaze as Carol emerged untouched with her flame thrower.

"Carol?" Rick squinted his eyes. "I thought we told you not to light anything else on fire. At least not until you need to be Queen Bitch Rambol Pokemon Death Carol."

"That's not until Season 6 episode 2," Carol answered him. "And I don't even get to burn anything else till episode 13 FFS!"

"Sorry," Rick shrugged then turned to face the others. "We need to bury Beth and we need to do it now."

"Donkey balls!" Abe shouted.

Rick squinted his eyes at him. "You trying to say you disagree with me?"

"Monkey shits!" Abe shouted.

Rick cocked his head to the side. "Okay?"

"That's all he can do now is shout random phrases," Rosita answered for him. "He's going to do this until his death in the Season 7 premiere where Negan will Lucille him first and then Glenn."

Abe turned to Rosita squinting his eyes. "Who's Negan?"

"He hasn't been introduced yet," Sasha answered. "Neither has Deanna for that matter."

"Who's Deanna?" Abe shouted.

"Okay back to burying Beth," Rick sighed and shook his head, when he suddenly turned towards her corpse and found Gareth kneeling over it with a bottle of BBQ in one hand pouring it on her head.

"Gareth?" Rick squinted at him. "I killed you, aren't you supposed to be dead?"

Gareth laughed. "Sorry, Rick. But those rules no longer apply in this universe. Therefore I can be alive if I choose to be, and I do. And as for your little dead friend here, well why let her go to waste?" He smirked.

"I could cook her up for you if you want," Carol offered aiming her flame thrower.

"Thanks, Carol!" Gareth grinned. "You killed my mom and rekt the shit out of Terminus, it's the least you could do."

"Beth ain't dead!" Daryl screamed raising his fists. "Go eat Bob!"

Gareth laughed. "I already did, remember?"

"Not on my watch!" Michonne snarled as she whipped out her katana and sliced Gareth's head clean off.

"Thanks my queen," Rick blushed. "Back to burying Beth!"

"Dad I found a UPS truck!" Carl suddenly announced running back with a box in his arms. "And I found this too. It's addressed to Scott Gimple and it feels light as ****. I wonder what's inside?"

"A better script?" Rick remarked. "This is supposed to be the episode where Tyreese dies and we have to listen to Beth's singing."

"Oh hell no!" Tyreese shouted from the background. "I ain't gonna die listening to Beth sing!" He walked up to Carol. "Turn that thing up and torch my ass! I'd rather die like Karen then die like that!"

Carl then tore the box open and gasped. "It's a bunch of plastic spoons, dad!"

"Good," Rick nodded. "We can use these to dig a grave for Beth."

"She ain't dead!" Daryl snarled.

Rick rolled his eyes as he knelt down and picked up a spoon. "This is perfect, it's even got her name written on it. It's almost like these people knew she was going to die."

"Who?" Maggie looked confused again.

"Your sister," Glenn answered patting her on the hand.

"Oh," Maggie replied still looking lost as shit. "I didn't know I have a sister."

"Enough!" Rick suddenly interrupted. "Everybody grab a spoon and start digging!"

"I have to poop again, Rick" Glenn said sheepishly.

"Just poop on Beth and quit wasting time," Rick rolled his eyes.



More to come! also thanks @zombiemom62 for the spoon idea lol

 

Now that Everyone had a plastic spoon they were all gathered around in a large oval as they began digging the grave for poor dead Beth.

"Keep digging!" Rick ordered. "I know this is going to take forever, but if we're lucky maybe we can skip going to Alexandria so we don't have to suffer through Season 6 or the cliffhanger!"

"Good idea, Rick!" Glenn agreed. "We can just go straight to Season 7! No dumpster me or Nicholas. And since Noah is here with us now, he lives too!"

"And Tyreese as well," Carol huffed. "His death was terrible, they could've done so much better."

Suddenly Daryl's spoon snapped and he raised the broken piece up to his blubbering ugly cry face as he began to sob uncontrollably. "My spoon keeps breaking!"

"Mine too," Maggie spoke up. "Good thing there's so many of these huh?"

Rick's spoon snapped in half just then too and he quickly grabbed another. "It's the soil," he said. "It's not very fertile."

"It's loose on my end," Eugene announced when all of a sudden there was a snap.

"Asshole!" Abe shouted at the top of his lungs.

"What is it Abe?" Rick asked doing his head tilt.

"No, Asshole!" Abe repeated as he pointed to Eugene who had his hand down the back of Abe's pants. "You're diggin in the wrong mud, bud!" Abe snapped as he punched Eugene in the face knocking him over.

Soon they all began to sweat as the sun's hot rays were beating down on them.

"Damn is it hot," Rick commented wiping away the sweat from his brow. "Tara we need your boobs to shield us and block out the sun."

"On it!" Tara said happily as she jumped up with big tits bouncing while casting their large shadow over the rest of the group as they continued to dig with their third, or fourth, or sixth spoon now.

The sun began to beat down on Beth's corpse now, cooking and frying it as the flies continued buzzing about.

Maggie stopped digging for a moment and looked over at Beth's corpse as it began to ignite.
"That dead girl is on fire now," she pointed out to the others. "Should we put it out?"

"No way!" Glenn replied as he began roasting marshmallows over Beth's corpse.

"Hey?" Rick squinted his eyes at him. "Where'd you get those?"

"Those aren't marshmallows, Glenn," Eugene spoke up in his usual awkward tone.

"They're not?" Glenn looked stumped. "But they're white and sticky!"

"Gross!" Abe shouted as he dropped his spoon and started to vomit.

"Not over here!" Rick barked at him. "Go vomit on Beth! We're going to bury her anyway!"

Baby Judith began to cry when Rick remembered her. "Judith!" He jumped up and hurried over to pick up the baby. "Why aren't you helping us dig? You're a part of this family too." He handed her a spoon and set her down next to Carl. "Your big brother Coral will teach you," he smiled.

"It's Carl," Carl gave his dad the stink eye. "And thank god I still have both eyes right now."

"We're skipping Season 6," Rick reminded him. "Now everyone keep digging!"



more to come.................mebbe

 

That's the burning question on everyone's mind. But I guess we'll have to wait and find out

 

10 hours later and even after all the team effort using those plastic spoons to dig a grave for Beth they still only managed to dig half a foot deep. Rick stopped, dropped his 20th spoon, then stood up to brush the dirt off his pants while Michonne was checkin out dat ass.

Dat ass! Michonne was thinking now as she licked her lips. He just needs to shave first and then he's mine.

Daryl threw down his 30th spoon and pouted like a big baby as he stood up without shaking the dirt off himself. "I ain't diggin no more!" He yelled at Rick. "I'm done! I told you Beth ain't dead! She's alive and we're going to bring her with us to.................. where are we going if we're skipping Season 6?"

"Post Alexandria where there's no Reg, Deanna, Aiden, Jessie, Nicholas, Porch dick, Denise, Ron, or that annoying little shit stain Sam," Rick answered. "We still have Spencer though but Negan is going to gut him anyway."

"But Season 6 is where I go from backstabbing asshole to an actual likeable character," Father Gabriel chimed in. "So there still are parts of Season 6 that are crucial to development."

"Morgan also becomes the most hated character too," Carol added. "Him with his all life is precious bullshit."

Rick grimaced. "Oh god that's terrible. How could they do that to Morgan?"

"I know right?" Carol smirked.

"Don't forget your awful story arc too, Carol," added Maggie. "You go from a stone cold killing badass to this scared little woman who doesn't want to kill anymore, and it lasts throughout the first half of Season 7 too."

"What?" Carol look disgusted now placing her hands on her hips. "I don't like this, Rick. Not one bit. It makes me feel like lighting more shit on fire."

Rick shook his head. "Don't, please."

Michonne was still eyeing Rick's hot ass when he suddenly turned around and caught her.

"You got something to say, Michonne?" He asked grinning.

"Nope," Michonne replied nonchalantly as she went back to digging.

"This is a bunch of goose shit!" Abe spat as he stood up. "Are we going to bury this dead chick and hit the road or not? I can't spend another hour on my ass or its going to kill me!"

"No Negan is," Eugene informed him.

"Shut up, Eugene!" Abe grumbled.

By now everyone was very tired, thirsty, starving, and completely losing their minds when all of a sudden the most incredible thing happened. Beth opened her eyes and sat up. At first it was really scary and she had no idea where she was or who most of these new characters were either, especially the one with the mullet, he scared her the most.

"Where am I?" Beth asked herself as she reached around the back of her head and felt that big gaping hole in her skull. "Am I dead or alive? I"m so confused."

"Oh my god!" Maggie suddenly gasped drawing everyone's attention now.

"What is it, Maggie?" Glenn asked.

"I just remembered I get to eat a home baked apple pie again!" Maggie exclaimed with glee. "In Season 7 too! You'll be dead, Glenn I'm sorry. But at least I'll have apple pie!"

Beth suddenly felt very sad that Maggie didn't even see her as she got up and walked right to them now.

"Oh no, Carl!" Rick suddenly warned as he drew his colt python.

"What is it, dad?" Carl panicked and turned around.

"It's nothing," Rick sighed. "I thought I saw Shane that's all."

"Maggie!" Beth called out to her retarded looking sister now who was still daydreaming about apple pie. "Maggie it's me, it's Beth. I'm alive can't you see me?"

"I miss daddy," Maggie frowned then.

"Everyone misses Hershel," Rick added.

"And Merle!," Daryl began to sob again causing Rick to look at him with disgust.

"Daryl," Rick called to him. "Keep the ugly cry face to a minimum please. There are children here."

"Children?" Beth gasped. "Can he see me? Rick it's Beth! She waved. "You see me don't you?"

"Well I think it's time to bury Beth and move on," Rick sighed. "We can't waste anymore time we need to get to Season 7 so Maggie can have her apple pie. That's our top priority now."

Beth frowned and began to cry. "Why can't y'all see me? And how can you bury me if I'm not dead?"

"Where's the body?" Abe suddenly spoke up as he walked over and noticed Beth's corpse was gone.

"Probably walkers," Rick answered heading over now. "Beth loved to feed the wildlife and now she can feed the walkers. Anyway I think it's time we moved on now.

Abe shot him an angry look. "You mean to tell me we did all that digging for nothing!?"

Rick nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

"I hate this script!" Abe screamed at the top of his lungs. "Who is writing this garage? I'm going to kill them!"

But while Abe was throwing his tantrum poor Beth was wandering alone in the woods feeling sad that none of her family heard nor saw her. It was a damn shame, but that's what happens when you're such a bad character that people would rather forget your entire existence. What's a Beth to do?


To be continued..................................or not?

 

True that and thanks!